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More Shoulds & No Authentic Desire Tuesday, Mar. 25, 2003 - 1:53 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every Monday evening Marie comes over and the three of us (my husband, Marie, and I) have our little Artist's Way discussion where we talk about our experiences with the previous week. Tonight I was sharing my recent realizations as I described in my previous entry, and in doing so I said a couple things I had not previously realized. I realized one of the great things about my retreat time was I finally experienced what it would be like to live without shoulds. I was able to spend a lot of my time doing what I wanted to do instead of what I though I "should" be doing. And then I realized that my usual life is all shoulds. Even if I'm doing something I like it's often because I decided I "should" do something I like. I do spend a good amount of time doing things I "should not" be doing, but the whole time I'm thinking about the shoulds. I rarely do anything because of an authentic desire to do it. ?! Yes that's right. I rarely do anything because of an authentic desire. It's a fairly frightening thing to realize about myself. I kind of have this weird "how do I go on from here" feeling which is definitely me being melodramatic. But still, I'm not sure what to do exactly. I can't think about this any more right now.
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |