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I am mad as hell so please give me a sign Thursday, Apr. 10, 2003 - 1:40 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blah, blah, blah. I haven't even said anything yet, but that's already how I feel. I am just so sick of where I am right now. I am so sick of this struggle I've been in, and how I'm feeling, and the things I'm worrying about. I am so angry that my husband still doesn't have a job. I am so angry that we don't really have any money. I am so angry that I am having to look for a job and that we have to move somewhere cheaper. I am just so angry that I can't make any sense of this. What the hell am I supposed to be doing? Or learning? I feel like I have done my best to put on a happy face and be brave and strong and patient (though I'll admit I'm not very good at patience), both for my own mental health and for my husband's, but I have had it. This is really hard on us and I really need more alone time and the dumbest little things make me irritated with my husband and, as I've said I'm not real great at being patient, but I'm really not good at it right now. Bleh!!! The really awful thing is, sure, I can say all this, and I can finally really express how I'm feeling about it all, but I'm not really sure what good that does anyone. I don't feel like it gets me anywhere or helps anything. I'm still just left wondering what do I do now? Aargh! So that was my day. [Breathe in. Breathe out.] I have so much personal stuff I want to work on but I seem to be so tired all the time and preoccupied with this other crap, and I just feel like I'm getting nowhere. Oh how I would love a clear sign from the Universe guiding me towards what to do next.
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today's music: Sweet Honey in the Rock - Sacred Ground today's book: Plain and Simple by Sue Bender today's movie: Joe Gould's Secret
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |