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Now I'm Confused Monday, Aug. 11, 2003 - 1:45 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So the other man I've been referring to is Stuart aka Texas Stu. We went to see Northfork tonight to the 10 pm showing. It was just so great to see him. He is so awesome. I am so glad he decided to go with me. And on another note, I am so glad I saw Northfork again. I comepletely love this movie. There something about the Northfork Universe that I love. When the movie is over, I don't want to leave. Anyway, after the movie, I decided I had to tell him how I felt about him or I'd burst. So I did. Sort of. I feel like I was so freaked out I didn't express myself well, and I don't know if I really conveyed to him how intense my feelings are. I did manage to explain that I wasn't telling him because I wanted anything in particular to happen, just more that I had to express myself so I didn't go insane. So hmm. Well anyway, first he said that was really cool, because it's cool to be excited and attracted to people, which is just such a Stuart thing to say somehow. He said he really likes spending time with me. Then he said he's not into any kind of casual sex thing or free hippy love stuff. (My husband said that likely this is something he has thought about though and is choosing not to want. Hm.) I said I'm not either, and that's not what my feelings for him are like, it's more emotional. So I eventually said something like, so what does this mean, and he kind of cut me off to say this is good for now. I am perfectly happy to accept that, so I said ok great. Then he took my hand, and leaned over and gave me such a sweet and intense kiss on the cheek. Then we smiled kind of goofily at each other, and he left. So I should have been able to predict that I would leave this interaction just feeling confused, but somehow I had tricked myself into thinking that telling him my feelings would simplify everything. Of course now I see that things are really just beginning, in a way. I just don't really know how he actually feels about me, which is a little frustrating I guess. And I feel too impatient to wait and see what will happen. But I guess I do feel like something else is going to happen. Hm. Let go and enjoy the ride. Oh god, I really want to see him more. I really want to talk with him more and get to know him more and all that stuff. Wow wow wow. Life is strange.
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today I listened to: Cowboy Junkies today I watched: Northfork
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |