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Love & Being Open Friday, Jun. 27, 2003 - 1:46 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's interesting to me lately the things that are occurring to me as things to focus on or work towards or whatever. I guess because they're coming to me in subtle ways. Usually I have sort of POW! realizations about things, but recently it's been more like, yeah I've been thinking about that, wait, when did that start? Like I've been thinking about love, and spreading love and sharing love. I mean just generic love or every kind of love. And big love, spiritual love. And how more of it is better. And then just now I read this in Kitten's diary, and there it was again. It just shows up from time to time in my thoughts or in the world around me. Another thing I've really been thinking a lot about is being more open with my feelings, both with myself and with others. I really don't know when I started focusing on this idea so much, but it seems really important now. Some stuff about it came to me while writing my morning pages this morning. I was thinking about how I really never know how other people really feel about me, I think with the exception of my husband and my parents. But how much of this is because I believe no one cares about me as much as I care about them, and how much of it is simply because they haven't actually been open with me about how they feel about me? I think there are very very few people in my life ever that I have been really open with about how I feel about them. There's my husband for sure, and I would say my previous boyfriend Rob. I have moments of real openness with people, which I think happens to everyone at some point. I think this is one of the reasons I like being around Cookie so much. I feel like I can be totally open with him. I think I've told him pretty much everything I feel about him, even though it's all kinda crazy. This is perhaps one of the things I'm supposed to learn from him. How to be really open with other people about my feelings. I have been feeling inspired to start doing so. I mean, my main fear is that because I care about someone so much more than they care about me, if I tell them how much they mean to me, they will somehow freak out. I think though that Cookie is a good lesson for this. I think the feelings I have for him are much stranger and more intense than the feelings I have for pretty much anyone, and he's still around. It even seems like that may have been what helped our relationship develop so fast. Wow wow wow. It's all kind of mind-blowing in a way. I have been using the phrase "mind-blowing" a lot lately. I think because I want my mind blown. I have more to say about love too, but I think that will have to come later.
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today I listened to: They Might Be Giants; Steve Tannen; India Arie today I read: Utne today I watched: Lexx
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |