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Ramble Ramble Anger Ramble Wednesday, Apr. 14, 2004 - 12:49 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've already written a long rambling LJ entry, and I'm REALLY tired, and I have a dentist appt at 9am, yet somehow I feel like I want to write more. I have received some very thoughtful comments from people about my LJ entry about anger, especially from this one friend, Mark R. He even wrote me a really nice email just now. I want to make myself better. I want to stop being so fucking weird about eveything. I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. Am I mad as hell? I'm really really fucking fed up. Is that the same? Why in god's name am I so reluctant to ever say I'm angry or mad? I can be annoyed, irritated, frustrated, lots of other things, but not just angry. Oh no can't be angry. What's up with that? I want to open my mind. Open open open. I want to open my heart. I want ease and comfort. That's reasonable to want, right? I want flow and peace and simple. Here's what gets me: The reason I don't have those things? Me. Yep, it's me. I mean, it's that way for everyone. I am all of my issues, they're all me. So can't I turn them off, get rid of them, fix them, change them, start over?!? It's just me, that's all there is, just me. So c'mon dumbass and stop creating all this bullshit for yourself that makes everything so fucking weird and hard and shit. My head hurts. My tooth hurts. My back hurts. I'm sleepy. I want to be cranky and bitchy and screeeeeeeeam. It seems so selfish. And stupid. I hate these cirlce my head moves in. I've got to go to bed. Stop.
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |