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Diary Purpose Monday, Feb. 10, 2003 - 3:20 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well I finally used my banners some, and got a few hits. I feel kind of weird about it now, like now I'm writing for an audience. I sort of was before, I mean, every writing I've ever done I've always imagined someone else reading it. Someone very unspecific. But now I know people have been reading me, and more importantly, people I don't even know. It makes me wonder what I'm doing here exactly. It's not that I'm writing things that should be kept secret. So far, everything I've written could by read by everyone I know: friends, family, whatever. It's more wondering why I seem to need to write for an audience. I could make my diary private, but I really don't want to. I have been wanting to keep this kind of a journal for years now, because I used to. For 2 or 3 years, about 10 years ago, I wrote every day in my notebooks, often several times a day. I've wanted to get back into it ever since then, but I've had a lot of trouble. I think I've been reluctant because when I kept those notebooks, I was extremely depressed and those notebooks were part of my dealing with the world. I think I unconsciously feel like if I start doing that again it means I'm depressed again. I think by typing into this website instead of writing in a notebook, I've made this feel like a very different activity. And I started this because I started reading my friend Kitten's diary, and I found her diary so inspiring and thoughtful. And I felt like some of the kinds of things she was writing about, were the kinds of things I wanted to be writing and recording for myself, so here I am. I guess I like the idea that I might be inspiring to someone the same way she is to me. That's really the kind of energy I want to put out into the world. It's also the kind of energy I want to make a point to take in. I have avoided the news for years, and I do my best to avoid movies, books, etc. that I find upsetting. I like to poke around diaryland a lot, click banners and so forth, and I'm trying to only really read diaries that are inspirational, happy, uplifting, whatever. Boy is it hard. I guess a lot of us are inclined to write about what's wrong in our worlds. I hope I'm not doing that much. I hope I'm focusing on the positive.
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current reading: Jump Up current watching: 13 Conversations About One Thing; Rainman
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |