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Summer Update & Female Energy Monday, May. 05, 2003 - 10:49 pm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To update our summer plans, my husband did not get the job he interviewed for this morning, so we're going to Michigan! We're going to figure it all out better tomorrow. I am excited though. It is kind of a bummer that he didn't get the job, but it does open up these other possibilities because we will have all the time we want. Not money of course, but you can't have everything I guess. To update on the boy crazies, this morning I think I came up with what is going on. First a little background is neccessary. I believe that every person's soul has a gender, which doesn't have to have anything to do with the gender of their body. And I'm not talking about any kind of transgendered anything. Examples: my ex boyfriend definitely has a male soul. My boyfriend before him I think has a female soul. Now this ex-ex is without question a man, physically, socially, mentally, in every usual way of being a man. But there is something about his spirit that I think is unmistakably female. My husband has an androgenous soul (and he agrees with this assessment). Fairly equal aspects of both male and female. I have an androgenous soul as well. It even shows up physically: my hormonal disorder is officially hyperandrogenism. Now for most of my life I have valued my masculine aspects more than my feminine. I have not wanted to be considered girly at all. Today I realized that for the last few months I have been getting some signals that it's time to embrace the feminine. It's time to focus on my female energy. And I think that is why I have been so sensitive to male energy. And so attracted to it. And physically I really need to be more feminine so that I will start ovulating and be fertile and so forth. So, I feel better having some explanation of what's happening to me. My husband and I talked about this today, and he also just yesterday suddenly realized that he needs to start being more of a man and start focusing on his male energy more. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Isn't it funny how much everything is connected? And now I really want to write Cookie an email and I think I'm just going to, godammit! I hate doing this kind of "should I call him or wait for him to call?" game playing. I hate game playing. I want to just do what I feel like doing. The problem in this case is not knowing how this guy is going to react to anything, and I am very concerned about giving him the wrong idea about something or, even worse, upsetting him in some way. I mean, I want to convey certain things to him, but because I don't know him well, I'm not sure how best to do it. That makes more sense. Oh blah blah blah sometimes I even annoy myself. That's it for now I think.
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today's music: mix CD today's movie: Bottle Rocket
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |