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The Liminal Phase, Living Authentically, & Becoming Mystical and Flexible Thursday, Apr. 24, 2003 - 1:32 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I had some big realizations last night. I was just sort of thinking out loud with my husband and some things became clear to me. A little bit before Burning Man 98 I got very into this idea of the liminal phase. I even typed up a little card for myself about it. Here's what it said:
Basically, the liminal phase is right before rebirth. So anyway, I realized I was in a liminal phase in my life, preparing to be reborn into the next phse of my life. Since then I've had several times where I felt like that rebirth was beginning, but then it never quite happens. I realized last night, I am still in a liminal phase. This whole time I've very much had the image of an egg in mind. I've thought many times that I had finally started pecking the egg open, but somehow I'm still an egg. But now I really feel like it's time to break out. The question is how. I really feel I need something very different in order to actually be reborn and move into the next phase of my life. So something else came to me. I've started having these feelings like I'm cut off from my feelings. The idea that actually came to me last night was that I cushion myself. What I mean is I sort of protect myself from fully feeling and experiencing things that happen to me. I feel like I haven't been living authentically. Being able to cusion is useful, but I need to learn how to turn it off. What really freaks me out about this is that I really do feel a lot . It's hard to comprehend feeling mroe. I feel like if I did, I'd go crazy or have a break down or at least be very socially unacceptable because I'd be crying all the time. I mean, I'm Highly Sensitive. I feel things a lot of people don't feel. Feeling more doesn't really sound appealing. But I do sort of instinctively know that's what I need. I came to understand that feeling my authentic feelings is the pathway to living a truly mystical life on a daily basis. Which, in some ways, is what I want most in the world. Having awareness of Divinity and connection at any given moment. And from that perspective I'm thankful for the Highly Sensitiveness because it puts me that much closer to it. I'm scared though that I have to go through extreme negative feelings to get to that mystical place. But more than that I don't know how start really feeling and experiencing. I don't know how to turn off the cushion. I did get a good image though. Right now I am rigid, so that's why I need the cusion. I need to become flexible and giving so that I can experience things without breaking and instead just move back into shape as things affect me, or change shape even. Ok, so that's where I am now. So, how do I become flexible?
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |