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The Other Man Sunday, Jul. 27, 2003 - 3:34 am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. So if you've read my gratitude journal and my live journal, you'll see I had a lovely little time at the party this evening. The thing I've been wanting to talk about the most though, is of course, the other man. Oh my god. I really feel like I could totally fall in love with this man. I guess I already have a little. If I had not met my husband already, I'd probably be thinking I might marry this man. My husband and I both agree that it seems this man is feeling it some too. As I said in my gratitude journal, he told me I am one of the brightest stars in his heavens. I mean, wow. He kissed me on the cheek so many times, and we somehow kept ending up standing arm and arm talking to each other. It kind of had the feeling of looking for excuses to touch each other. We work so well together somehow. It just seems so natural. Oh and he just so knows me. He asked me at one point if I was feeling overwhelmed. I want to know more about him. I love watching him talk and listening to his stories. He has such enthusiasm like I've never seen. I've told my husband everything I'm feeling here, and he has some insecurities, but basically he's very cool with it all, especially because he really likes this man as well. Which is totally awesome. There's also that so much of what I'm attracted to in this man are things I'm attracted to in my husband. They are very oddly alike. So now I'm just left with this what to do feeling. It's really hard for me to be around him and not be open with what I'm feeling and somehow I'm all nervous and stuff. It's just silly. But I don't really know how he feels, and no matter what he is feeling or wants or anything, it's all going to be confusing. Like would it be better or worse if he had feelings for me too? Don't know. I really hate that I'm having any I wish this weren't happening feelings. I just want to enjoy it. Let go and enjoy the ride. But it's so hard. This is so intense. This is not something I really ever thought would happen. I sort of thought this might happen at some point with a woman (and it still might of course), and I think my husband and I were sort of prepared for that. I don't know what makes it seem so different that it's a man. I guess the only bad thing that could happen is if somehow this man and I ended up unable to be around each other, and I'm honestly not sure what would cause that. It just doesn't seem likely. Oh but it's all so confusing and weird. I really hope an opportunity arises soon for me to really talk to him. Or even better, that he approaches me about it. That would make me feel much better about things. I think as soon as I've got a little more time, I'm going to seek out people to talk about this with. Probably I just need to make the time and call the Polyamory Freakout Hotline (which basically means Ernesto and probably Kitten and maybe Matthew). I really feel like I need some more persepctive on this. I don't know if I need advice really, I just need people to talk some sense to me. Oh god oh god. I am so silly.
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |