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Struggle Tuesday, May. 13, 2003 - 9:43 pm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I spent a lot of this afternoon and evening feeling really crappy and mad. And when I'd try to figure out what was making me mad, I'd only come up with really dumb things that sounded more like my brain trying to find something to latch on to. I think I'm just really stressed about all there is to do. Mostly because there's so much that I don't want to do, or that just plain freaks me out. Ugh. In some ways this is the story of my life. Feeling like there's too much stuff to do, and most of it scares me. There's just never enough time to play. I mean, I don't make enough time to play. I really want to stop struggling with this. I wish someone could just give me advice that I could follow instantly. So far that really hasn't worked, so why would it now? I'm really hoping that I can just get through May, hopefully have fun at Flipside, and then in Michigan I will have a much shorter to do list. I'm hoping that I can retrain myself or something. Honestly though, I don't know if one month is enough time, and I've realized I'm going to have to complete my feng shui homework up there. Argh. Maybe I can try this kind of retraining when we get back to Austin. I really feel like this year Burning Man is going to break me open. I want it to break me open. Can I start out open enough to be that affected? I want to stop struggling and just be.
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |