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Realizations about Preoccupied Self-Improvement and Divine Expression Sunday, Mar. 09, 2003 - 9:20 pm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well I actually had some major realizations about myself that came about from working on Artist's Way stuff. First, remember that I realized a couple weeks ago that I have a preoccupied attachment style. Well I realized that a way that this manifests itself in me is related to my self-improvement-type goals. I realized that the major motivator for me to becoming an enlightened, super-cool person is that I feel that when I am super-cool, people won't be able to help but be drawn to me and do things to include me in their lives, and only then would I really feel that people really liked me and loved me and cared about me and stuff. It kind of freaked me out. I guess there are some notable exceptions, but, in general, I feel and believe that I love people more than they love me. Rationally, this doesn't make sense, which is why I don't say I think this is true. But it's nearly impossible to reason with feelings. I did also realize that I want to be super-cool for myself, because I want peace of mind and to live free from anxiety. So that is a motivator also, but not as strong. What I believe should be the biggest motivator towards self-improvement is that it is an expression of the Divine. Divinity wants me to be my best self, and when I am my best self I can best carry out my life's purpose. So I'm going to work on being motivated by the Divine Universe and listening to those "goals." But this is hard.
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current listening: Jar of Leaves mix CD recent viewing: Monty Python's Flying Circus
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Crummy - Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 Can't Decide - Monday, Jun. 07, 2004 Letting Go - Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 Google 5 - Tuesday, May. 18, 2004 Before Tattoo - Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 older entries random entry profile * sign my guestbook* For a more complete view of my life, read these: live journal ~ gratitude journal DiaryLand |